I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
