All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We left the knife in your bed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
