If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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