why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
