Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
