Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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