Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Princesses don't give blow jobs
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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