We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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