wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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