she looked like the before picture.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
