you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
