When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
