i just wanna soil my oats bro
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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