The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
