I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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