I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
