Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
