the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
