So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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