shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
