don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
