Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
