alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
