I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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