I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
