Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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