she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I touched a dick in church today
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
