wat bout pragnant strippers??
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
