According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
