i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
