Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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