I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
