Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
