My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
