enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
