just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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