your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
