Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
