better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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