I think I just saw someone hide a body.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
