if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The air taste purple.
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