so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
