yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
