Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
