His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
