no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
