my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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