just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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