RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
