just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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