My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
