So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
