Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
