So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
