I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
