is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
