I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
